Oh the Hue, Manatee!

Language is a damn funny thing. I should know. I've spoken it all my life. Actually that's not quite true. I was so shocked at having been born that I didn't speak for several years.

But seriously, Language is a HOOT! I currently teach ESL (English as a Second Language) to all manner of international students who have come to the US to study art and design. Before my current job I taught the same at a State University, and before that, I taught English to Chinese speakers in Taiwan for about 7 years. I also have spent quite a bit of time learning to speak Chinese, not to mention dabbling in other languages. I have a Master's Degree in Foreign Language Education. So, when I say language is a hoot I do so with academic authority.(If you want proof that language = hoot then check out the link on my page for Engrish.com. That site shows lots of awkward Asianisms.)

Let's look at some language mistakes that give weight to the hoot theory of language. Well, for instance, the mistake from a non native English speaker: "I am in the library. I am stacked."

Another example comes from an experience that I had in Taiwan. At a buffet style dinner my student was showing me ingrediants for making dipping sauce. There was one tannish powder she pointed to and said in very clear English "that's penis powder"

I said, "Penis powder?" I paused, remembering all the odd things Chinese eat (jelly fish, Shark fin soup, chicken feet, bird's nest soup, thousand-year eggs); so I politely asked, "What animal does it come from?"

She replied, "It doesn't come from an animal it comes from penis." My mind was blown. After some negotiating, I finally discovered she was mispronouncing "peanuts".

My mistakes in Chinese are often just as funny. In a McDonald's, I once asked for a packet of "airport" (fei ji chang) because I get that word confused with ketchup (fan chie jiang). I've also said "let's giraffe" because I get the words for "cross the road" (guo ma lu) mixed up with "giraffe" (chang jing lu).

Now, I don't intend to give the impression that making language mistakes is what gives language it's hoot-ness. What really makes it so crazy is just that it's all so haphazard. The only reason we can understand anyone else who speaks our language is that we have the same rules. These rules are totally insane and you can see that when you try to learn another language or witness someone learning your native tongue. Yet, (and here's the kicker) as a native speaker our mother tongue is not just logical, it is the epitome of logic.

Sometimes my students ask "why do you say it that way?" Sometimes I can explain things so that students begin to be initiated into the logic of English. But sometimes I just have to say "Because that's the way we say it." For some things there is a historical explanation but that doesn't mean it makes any sense!!! (an example of that is "to and fro"--where else do you say "fro" in the English languge other than to talk about Cleopatra Jones' hairdo?)

Sew the next thyme ewe here sum one make a miss steak inn specking think a bought watt eye half sed. (And I'm not even gonna go into how crazy spelling and writing are, at least not today.)

--------------Brantley-------------